Stacy Thayer’s Blog

(yes, I realize that I’ve gone from not writing all month to writing three entries in one day)

How is it that some people are perfectly happy to stay in the town they are born in, marry their high school sweetheart, and work at the same place their entire life and some of us could travel the world twice around and still not feel like they’ve seen and done enough.

I know that I fall into the later category. Sometimes I feel like I’m a giant sponge and I just want to soak everything in and I’m afraid I might miss something. I have the books - 101 Things to Do Before You Die, 100 Places to Visit, etc. I was watching The Bucket List the other day and considered creating a list of my own so I can make sure I do everything I want to do.

I don’t know if it’s nature (e.g. something to do with dopamine levels) or nurture (your family, friends, or lifestyle influenced you) but I know it’s something that is essential to who I am. If I was sentenced to live the rest of my life in the same town with the same people…I don’t know if I could do it. Again, it’s a personal choice because I know plenty of people who are happy with that lifestyle and I’m glad it works for them.

I was recently looking at some of the classes that the Cambridge Center offers. There are several that look interesting and are at times that are convenient to me. Yet, I found myself hemming and hawing about it. And I realized that my issue was that I was avoiding feeling uncomfortable. Changing my schedule, trying something new, meeting new people, and generally making a commitment to something (something I’m not really very good at doing).  When I realized what I was doing, I immediately decided that I was going to take a class and learn something new.

Right now I am leaning toward Japanese Brush Painting,Spanish, Intro to Programming, or Understanding Contemporary Middle East

I will make my decision tomorrow.

——

My friend, Dave (aka Starchy), wrote this about ten years ago and I remember connecting to it as soon as I read it and then later reciting it on stage it during my theater and performance class. Ten years later, it still inspires me.

Warmth curled around my back as warmth eight years old soars into my head 600-something miles an hour, warmth just born soars into my eyes 186,000 miles a second and the first law of thermodynamics, for once, seems only to my benefit. In this strange little over-inhabited room I find myself slipping into comfort, a very dangerous place. And the warmth from the stereo moves me, the warmth from the lamp lets me view these words I pen, and the warmth from the girl curled up by the base of my spine drags me deep into comfort.

This worries me. How many times have I spoken out against comfort? Comfort, I once penned, is perhaps the most dangerous trap for the human mind to fall into, and now I go and take a swan dive for it. This is what crumbles the empires of the mind, this thing that feels so bloody wonderful, that I can’t tear myself away from. But just how much danger does it truly present? And is comfort the defining factor here, or is it contentment? The latter is certainly healthy, I would like to think — “I would be perfectly happy to spend the rest of my days just like this.” But why don’t I, then? Why did I, in reality, try to avoid spending today quite like this? Maybe I’m not comfortable, then, although it certainly feels that way. Maybe I’m not comfortable knowing that I am not right now creating and seeking new avenues and to open up new possibilities for my not-yet-real “future self.” Maybe that, which I condemned comfort as the true enemy of, is such a powerful thing in me that it, in an odd way, precludes true comfort — Why is it that once again, I can’t seem to stop writing? It’s not just that I have more to say and want to say it — no, my hand is cramping, I would like a sip of that coffee, I would like to ask my companion/backrest if she wants to get going, but I can’t seem to do it — it is as if this drive which now acts through my writing denies me these other options that are all so mired in comfort. The question is, though, why do I give it so much power?

I had been holding back on writing in this blog because I was not 100% sure what I wanted to do with it. Around the time of my birthday, I reflected upon my 20s. I ended up making them private because I was applying for jobs and was not sure if they were too personal in nature. I was touched that several people asked me where they went and when I was going to finish my story.

So, I made them public again and will *hopefully* get to writing about the rest of my 20s soon.

Forbes printed an article about Five Things to Look for in a Business Partner .

They are

1. Complementary Skills

2. Ability To Listen, Strength To Disagree

3. Clean Track Record

4. Solid Contacts

5. Common Goals

Now, I agree that these are all important things to consider when entering ANY partnership. My question is - how do you identify and recognize this things? Our massively high divorce rating and the number of failed start-ups would indicate that we are not always great at picking out partners.

While I do not have uniform solution for this (’cause if I did, I’d be out there selling it instead of writing this blog entry), but I do have an opinion as to which one of these items is the most important one - Ability To Listen, Strength To Disagree

I learned this valuable lesson when I took a Conflict and Negotiation class  Conflicts, disagreements, arguments, hurt feelings - none of these feel great.  But they happen and they are almost unavoidable. So, it’s often best to plan for dealing with it rather than duking it out or letting the resentment build.

When entering a business partnership, consider all of the items Forbes list, but also talk about your plan for how you’ll handle those differences of opinions.  Votes? Counting to 3? Taking a day or two to think and then come back to it? Whatever you need to do, you need to respect the times you will have a different way of approaching things.

Almost every Friday night, my parents would have Wine/Whine Time. The goal of this time was the talk and really truly *listen* to the other person.  You were not allowed to attack the other person or get defensive or get into a “fight”. It was about understand how the other person was feeling and what they were going through. It would be a time to talk about their frustrations at home, at work, or whatever it was that was on your mind.  The important part was that they made the time to understand each other. Now, 37 years later, they are still married and still in a healthy partnership.

Obviously different things will work for different people but conflict and disagreements in perspectives and approach are inevitable. Unfortunately, we have a fear of or an inability to handle conflict and therefore, we do not resolve it. As Forbes says, the best partners also have the courage to address tough financial issues, and even personal matters that might impact the company.

I’d say that definitely applies both professionally and personally.  Consider it.

I’ve been busy with meetings these past two days. Today was spent meeting with members of the business community in an effort to discuss sponsorship, networking, and general business stuff. Although much of this is new to me, I am quickly learning the ropes. Business conversations are unique in that you *have* to be driven and to the point. Social conversations tend to have a more natural flow. In fact, being too talkative, driven, or pointed can seem as being overly aggressive or pushy. Yet in a business context, these traits are essential. You have to make sure your message is clear and that your getting your point across. It’s simply a different and obviously less casual communication style.

Now, I have done sales before but it was for someone else’s product. While it was a good experience and I met my numbers, I did not have the same passion or big picture view that I have with SOURCE. This means it feels totally different. In my previous sales role, I had a series of talking points, scripts, etc. When I talk about SOURCE, it comes from my passion and belief in it being a solid and worthwhile event and my excitement for creating it. I truly believe that it is a good product so that comes out when I talk about it, regardless of whether it be a business or casual conversation.

So over a cup of coffee, my contact says that he has an extra ticket to the Red Sox vs Yankee game on Sunday and it’s a seat in the specialty box where they serve free drinks and filet mignon. He evidently had a bunch of tickets that he’s given to various CEOs, bank people, senior board members, etc., and someone *might* cancel, leaving a free ticket. So, once I picked my jaw up off the table and go over my excitement at the very thought of seeing a RS vs Yanks game in the executive box, I started to think about the conversation I might have with such senior executives.

This has had me thinking for most of the day. Not that I feel uncomfortable or shy or unprepared. But more about the stylist differences in communication and how one mentally prepares to engage in conversations with driven and high-powered people. Sure, it’s watching a game, eating a Fenway Frank, and drinking a beer, but it is so much more. It is a strategic opportunity and I’m studying it. How can i get them interested in SOURCE? What do I want from them? What are my goals? What am I looking to gain? What can i offer someone? What is my value? I need to be crystal clear on all of these and I need to work them into every conversation. I am comfortable with it but still find the communication and subtle nuances of a business relationship to be intriguing.

On a whim, I poked around Amazon to see if there were any books on networking, business meetings, and professional communication. Came up with some interesting results

The LinkedIn Personal Trainer - a whole book on LinkedIn? Am I missing something about LinkedIn? It seemed pretty cut and dry to me, but hey, this guy found enough material to write it all…

Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty - woof. Okay, I’ve heard of not judging a book by it’s cover, but how about its bad title?

Guerilla Networking: A Proven Battle Plan to Attract the People You Want to Meet - Okay, unless we’re talking about how to meet General Schwarzkopf , I’m not sure sure about this approach. That said, a quick look at the Amazon Reader excerpt showed me that this book is a pretty easy read (it’s funny and follows like a conversation) and has some good info. It still gives me a mental image of me walking into a social event with an uzi.

Make Your Contacts Count: Networking Know-how for Business and Career Success - I think we have a winner.  I did not originally intend to purchase a book, but it’s only $10 and includes tips on how to remember names and faces and how to network at conferences.

I’ll let you know if I learn anything.

I am leaving in a few hours to head to New York for HOPE. It is the last one and I am looking forward to seeing people.  It’s always a good time. Anyway, off to finish packing. See many of you soon!

I just got back from a week in Maine with my family. My mom and I went up on Tuesday to have some time with just the two of us. I always love time with my mom, but this was extra special because I learned so much about the women in my family.

My great -grandmother on my grandfather’s side was born in the 1800’s and grew up in the mid-West. She went out and bought her own small cafe/store where she sold sodas, sandwiches, snacks, etc., in a train station. It was called The Stand and she managed it all on her own.  Evidently, she was an incredibly strong and dynamic woman who took care of herself and was extremely independent. She was married and she had a son but she simply shined.

My grandmother grew up as the youngest of eight kids. She married my grandfather and had my mother. She was a housewife until my grandfather passed away. I think she was in her 40s and my mom was in her late teens. However, my grandmother had to pack everything up, drop my mom off at  boarding school, and go make a lif for herself. She also had to be equally as strong as my great-grandmother when it came to raising my mom and living her life. While this did not create a lot of drama, it was evident that they were both strong opinionated women. My grandmother ended up running a boutique store at Mohonk Mountain house and raising my mom on her own. She lived with us when I was growing up (my mom and dad were working full time and my mom was also getting her doctorate) and had a big hand in raising me.

My mother grew up in a time where women’s lib was taking place. She wasn’t a bra burner or anything but she simply wanted to be treated as an equal and to succeed.  In a time where women did not have a lot of options, she fought her way and became the first female dean in Suffolk’s college of arts and sciences.  I have always admired my mother’s strength and character and had heard stories of the challenges she faced to become a career woman.

It was fascinating to hear stories of these strong women who have been business oriented and strong since the 1800’s. I have it so much easier and have so many more options. I’m incredibly proud of them and of my heritage. They were definitely some neat ladies.

Age 25 - 2003-2004

Age 25 started off really well. I celebrated my birthday in Hawaii because I was there to present my thesis work at a conference! I was pretty proud of myself (although I think the suit I was wearing made me look about 40). I also got to spend my birthday swimming with dolphins. This was extremely meaningful to me as they are my favorite animals. When I was a little kid I learned everything I possibly could about them and wanted to be a “dolphinologist”. My grandmother used to love to tell the story of me being a real little kid at the aquarium and walking around telling everyone which marine animal was which and a bit about each one.

Btw, Hawaii is still my favorite place to vacation. Absolutely amazing beautiful place.

That fall, I decided to cut my hair short. Like…really short.

We also went to Germany that fall. However, Christien still wasn’t all that into traveling, so I had to do some convincing. This came in the form of a powerpoint presentation with different pictures of Germany and a complete itinerary. This was the first slide:

I mean, how could anyone possibly resist that? =p

That Fall was also the start of my issues with Suffolk. When I first chose psychology, there were not many options. In psychology, everything revolves around the American Psychological Association (think Big Brother for Psychology). I’m not going to say anything else about that because I’ll end up with a big giant rant. Anyway, over the years, I was moving further and further away from wanting to do clinical work. While I enjoyed psychology, I did not like working in hospitals and I did not want to work in a clinical setting. At one point, I would have explored being a general therapist, but none of our classes or practicums focused on the general population. It was all about schizophrenics, war vets, trauma patients, etc. My advisor suggested I attend a conference on Consulting Psychology so I could explore othing options. Attending that conference was amazing. It was like getting a gasp of air after being underwater for so long. This is when I realized I loved corporate psychology, organizational dynamics, and effectiveness.

To bad I was in a clinical program. =p I managed to negotiate a practicum at the Mass Psych Association where I was able to do advocacy work for the state. It wasnt a hospital setting, so I was okay with that. I learned a lot about politics, advocacy, and lobbying. We took a week and went down the DC to walk the halls and appeal to out state reps for our causes. I attended a state hearing to testify for the health of children of same sex unions. It was definitely a great experience.

Unfortunately, my classes were not going so well. I was getting A’s in my classes but it was time for the comprehensive exams. To this day, I really don’t know what happened there. The exams were two-fold. One was a clinical presentation of a case study (no problem) and the other was a two hour test with twenty essay questions about a single journal article. The questions were generally about the research methods and statistics used in the study. Well, for the life of me, I could not pass this thing. The good news is that I was not the only one. Out of eight people, only three passed the first time around. The second time I took it, there was a 50% pass rate. Obviously I was not in that percentage for either. Before the third time, I spent a month with a tutor that I hired. I spent all of winter break working with this tutor for several hours a day - reviewing stats, going over articles, talking about research methods, etc. I met with my professors and took practice exams. I did everything I felt I could do to prepare for the third test. And I failed it again.

There was a pivotal moment where three of the professors pulled me into an office to tell me I failed. And they all looked like they had no idea what to say. I was stunned and helpless because I really had given it everything I had. And so I asked a question I really hope no one has to ask someone, “Am I just not smart enough? Is this something I just can’t do? Because be honest with me because I dont want to waste my time or yours.” And they looked at each other and told me that they honestly did believe I was perfectly capable of passing. I had aced research methods and got an A- in statistics and was obviously trying hard and was dedicated to my success but something just wasn’t clicking and we did not know what. So we talked and decided that I would audit statistics and sit in on all the classes again. So I went to the stats professor and was told that since Spring classes had already started, I would have to wait until Fall and basically, stay back a year.

Well, doesn’t that just suck. So I did a lot of thinking and deep soul searching about what was going on. And I started to get kind of indignant about a few things. To me, those are really low pass rates. I felt frustrated because I also hated the test. It just seemed to unapplicable. Two hours, twenty essays, all about one article. Was I honing in on the skills I wanted to hone in on? I was in my fourth year and was interviewing at different practicum sites. I was only interested in one because it was a forensic hospital and, during the interview, I was told by one of the doctors that he would not want me because I was too young.

Me:”Well, that’s ageism, sir”

Him: “So? What are you going to do about it? It’s just the way it is. I want someone older”

So, in general, I was feeling pretty frustrated with my current situation. One day, I started looking into other programs. I don’t even think I was serious. I just wanted to see what was out there. I found organizational psychology programs at the masters level and I found business organizational development at the PHD level but no programs that offered business psychology at the PhD level. Until I came across Capella. My first response was to be leery of an online school. But as I looked at their classes, I found myself becoming really excited about them. So I called my mom to talk to her about it. She used to be on the accreditation board for New England colleges and happened to be involved in a project that was determining the metrics for online classes and schools. So we attended a seminar together and we were both really impressed with Capella. They were accredited, they were going for APA approval, and they were really about the adult student learning experience.

One of my issues with academia is that I think it becomes easy to forget that achieving a degree is a personal experience for a person. You don’t get a PhD because someone else wants you to. You get it because you want to. For you. It has to be intrinsic. Therefore, I wanted to cherish my experience, take on the challenges and hardships with a personal strength, and to make the most of this amazing learning experience. Capella always got that and in the four years I was there, that never wavered.

However, at the time, it was a move I was scared to make. In an effort to help me make the decision about whether or not transfer, I went to the Consulting Psychology conference to talk to people. The clinical people told me not to leave an APA accredited program and that if I did not complete it and get licensed, I could never be a clinical psychologist. But one girl…one girl said to me, “What does your gut tell you?” and immediately I responded with, “Leave Suffolk and do OD.” and she just smiled at me. And I knew then that was what I wanted to do. Because even if it turned out to be a mistake or something went wrong or other people didn’t agree with it - it felt right for me and that as long as I was true to that, I’d be okay with wherever I landed, even if the jump was a scary one to make.

And so I made it. I left Suffolk (the only school I had ever known since I was a kid and my mom started working there), started taking classes at Capella, prepared myself for the opinions people might have about an online school, went and got myself my first full time real job and never looked back. It was the best decision I have ever made and it was the right one for me. I really loved my experience at Capella and the opportunity to have a full time job and earn and income and to do something that I loved. I loved every class I took and made the most of every job I had. It was definitely the right choice to make.

While all this was going on, my grandmother passed away from alzheimers. This was a mixed bag. On one hand, she was my grammy who lived with us and raised me while my parents were working. On the other hand, watching someone suffer from alzheimers is heart-wretching for everyone involved. My grandmother and mother were as close and my mother and I are and it was so hard on my mom when my grandother would get sicker and sicker and would call her, wondering where she was and just generally needing her. I admire the strength my mom had through all of that. I hope I can be as strong if it ever happens to her.

My mother and I were both there when my grandmother died. The nursing home called and we went over there and spent the day with my grandmother. I’m not sure if she was in a coma or what, but she was completely unresponsive and we were basically just there waiting for her to die. My mom and I told stories and talked and it was an incredibly close moment for us. We left the room only one - so the nurse could change the blankets for my grandmother. And in that moment, that was when my grandmother died. The nurse says that often happens - that people don’t want to die in the company of their loved ones. But she knew we were there. On some level, she knew us, sensed us, or whatever. She knew.

Two days after that, my childhood dog passed away. This was us at my grandmother’s wake. Powder was so sick he could barely move.

So yeah, January of 2004 - grandmother and pet passed away and I failed the comps for the third time. Not good. But sometimes, things like that, give you the strength and experience to grow and make things better. In my case, it did. A lot of things changed that Spring but the end result was so much better. Christien and I moved out of the Somerville house and bought our house in Waltham.

It was a clean fresh start on a lot of different things. The house came on the market and we both loved it. I decorated it and made it a home. Our home, to be specific (as opposed to his Somerville bachelor pad).

Good grief, 25 was a busy year for me. This is really getting quite long. I still have 4 years to go. =p

Today is my last day of being in my 20s. As of tomorrow, I will officially be 30. It’s been a good ten years and I definitely feel like I accomplished just about everything I wanted to.

Age 20 - 1998-1999

I don’t remember exactly how I celebrated my 20th birthday. I did not start writing an online journal until about a month later. I do know that I was living in Scituate with my parents and was commuting 40 min to school every day. I was a junior in college and I was spending most of my time with my friends in Cambridge.

Me at 20:

This was also the year that I decided I wanted to study psychology and I picked it up as a minor. I was a comunications major and was not interested in news media or journalism. I loved public speaking and the psychology of communication (e.g. human internaction, communication patterns, perceptions, etc) so I thought that psychology might be a good hit.

Shortly before turning 21, moved into Cambridge with Spud and Cloei. They were a married couple from Florida that just relocated to Boston. I did not meet them until the day we were supposed to move in together but we had some of the same friends and people indicated it would be a good match. She worked from home and he was at the office a lot so they wanted to get a roommate so she would have company. The rent was $300 a month and it included room, utilities, food, and two people who became like family to me. We had our ups and downs but I loved them dearly and still do. Cloei had a well known website and was the person to help me graduate from my little AOL online journal to a full-fledged website complete with message board, chat room, web cam, and the works.

Age 21 - 1999-2000

My 21st year was probably one of the hardest years I’ve ever had. In September my dad had his stroke. He is doing so well right now but that was so unbelievably scary. I never minded being an only child but when I was alone in the hospital late that night and my mom was stuck in Texas and my grandmother was being weird (a month later we found out she had alzheimers), I realized how small my family really was. I decided two things that might. One was that if I did end up having kids, I wanted to have two instead of one. The other was that I did want to get married someday (previously I wasn’t sure I would). I still don’t really know why but when I was sitting with my dad in that dark hospital room, not sure if he was going to live or die, the thought that was the strongest was, ‘you can’t die - we still have so much to do together. I want to dance with you at my wedding. please live and dance with me at my wedding.” And, I am thankful ever day, that he did live and we did dance.

In addition to helping my dad through the recovery process and trying to figure out what to do about my ailing grandmother, I was also trying to apply to graduate schools. I had previously wanted to apply to a bunch of schools in the Boston area but I did not have the bandwidth to spend time on all those applications. As it was, I barely managed to stay focused on my GREs and application to Suffolk. Since my research experience was limited, the head of the department gave me a full scale research project. I had to find 50 people and perform a series of cognitive tests on them. I had to spend about two hours with each person and perform some pretty crazy tests, including the Stroop Color Test and the Rod and Frame test and I had about a month to do it. It was a lot of work but I wanted to go so badly. I would be at the lab on weekends and evenings and managed to get enough people in the time frame and got all of the data entered into SPSS and ready to be analyzed. It was a complete sink or swim experience and I loved the challenge. When I did get accepted, it was a very sweet victory.

Survived Y2k - was actually quite uneventful.

Graduated that May.

Me and my mom during graduation (she was a dean at suffolk)

.

Started my first year of graduate school. Ended an important relationship (great guy but he wanted 6 kids - I didn’t). With the exception of a one month relationship, this would be my last relationship until I met Christien in 2004.

Age 22 - 2000-2001

Not a terribly interesting year. Was living in Cambridge, going to school, and working at Ballotti. A new position was created for me and I was given the opportunity to build a new program - Emerging Leaders.

I started traveling again, beginning with a trip to Scotland with my best friend from high school. When I came back, the landlord did not want to renew the lease and because Spud and Cloei were having problems, I got a place south of Boston with my friend and co-worker Bryan. I was really proud of this because all of the bills were in my name and I was responsible for making it a home. I went out and bought my first car - a 1998 green Kia Sephia. This was probably a point where I started taking responsibility for my own stuff.

This was, of course, also the year of 9/11. I was in Hyde Park and only had a 1 minute commute to the train station. I was running late that morning and didn’t check my email or anything online. Just showered, jumped in my car, and caught the train just in time. When I got there…everything seemed off. I didn’t see any newspapers or anything. It was just in the air. I got to school and found that my cell phone did not work. Something was terribly terribly wrong, I knew it. I went to my mom’s office. I went into work and no one seemed to know anything. So I went to my mom’s office and she told me what happened. I went back to work to collect my friends and head up to the student lounge. We were all horrified by what we saw on TV. All of that is so crystal clear. Scared to stay in Boston (Suffolk is behind the state house) we all went home. I ran into my good friend and neighbor on the train ride home and was so happy to have the comfort of a friend. My TV was broken so I went back to his house and spent the day watching the news with him and his wife. Definitely something I will never forget.

Age 23 - 2001-2002

That summer, for 23rd my birthday, I went to Phoenix with my friend Y for the first time. This was a pivotal moment in my life. I cannot really explain why in a way that would make sense to anyone but it changed me. I realized how deeply meaningful my life experiences are and made the choice to experience and live as much as I can. To travel. To interact. To have adventures. To live fully.

To some degree, I think I have lost a bit of this. I have not done nearly as much as I wanted. By now, I had hoped to have climbed Machu Picchu, backpacked around Europe, gone to Africa, done more white water rafting, etc. etc.

This was a fairly decent year. I was doing well in school, working at a hospital (with mental patients) on weekends and during the summer. I don’t know how I did it but I was able to go out at night with friends and still work the 7am - 3:30pm shift the net day. I did some minor traveling - Caribbean, DC, Vegas, Florida but nothing substantial. But I was restless. Getting bored with my life and simply wanting more. I was motivated and hungry to want to meet people who had a similar drive but most of my friends from college didn’t have the edginess that I also needed. They were smart and driven but, at that time and age, had little real world experience. So I was often going back and forth and never feeling comfortable.

I was also taking statistics and working on my masters thesis - collecting data, etc. I looked at online communication patterns across age, gender, and duration of internet use. Statistics was pretty rough though. Our professor was horrible (she’s no longer there) and it’s just something that I struggled with (this will become a problem the following year).

That March my best friend and I went to Japan. This was an awesome experience. We went to Tokyo and Kyoto. My best friend is 6′5 and probably looked like Godzilla to most of the Japanese people.

Shortly after returning home, I decided that I wanted to try spending the summer in London. I found a student hosting program and made all of the preparations to leave. I subleted my apartment, found someone to watch my cat, let my friend take my car, and basically got rid of everything in my life except for three giant bags (each weighing about 60 lbs).

But, let’s back up a moment. I was set to leave on May 21st. On April 20th, I decided to go out to the club for a friend’s bday gathering. I remember driving there and saying to my friend, “I’m not really even sure why I am going. I am not going to meet anyone new and I’m not sure what I have in common with everyone anymore. Not really sure why I’m going tonight.”

Famous last words. This was the night that I met Christien. I had met him before but this was the night that we started talking and expressing interest. We went on a few dates and I knew that I really liked him. He was unlike anyone I had ever met. He went to MIT, he had a house, he had a well paying job, he was incredibly smart, driven, and motivated. Completely unlike anyone I knew.

It’s funny how a certain pivotal point can change everything. As arranged, I went off to London. I had a flat, I was ready to look for jobs, and I thought I was good to go. I was miserable. Hideously, horribly miserable. Like a deer in headlights, I froze. See, I am really comfortable with people if they are friends of friends or something. But I am horrible at simply meeting new people and I did not know anyone in London. If I had known even just one or two of the people I know now, life would have been so different. After about three weeks of stagnation, my mom said that my grandmother was getting worse and she needed help and advised me to just come home. So I did. I don’t believe in regret but if I had to pick one thing that I wish had gone differently, this would be it.

Before coming home, I rented a car for a week and drove from London to Scotland and back. Two nights before I was set to leave for Boston, I stopped at a B&B in the Cotswolds. The B&B was run by this older guy who was hosting a student that was my age - Tom. The owner, his gf, and Tom took me to a local party where I met a ton of really great people and made friends. I got along really well with the owners gf. The night before I left, they offered me a job and room and board. I couldn’t make the decision fast enough and I wasn’t ready to take the leap. I was hung up on a few things - namely not having a car or transportation, having to rely on Tom for a whole summer, and not having an internet. Yet, I cant help but wonder what would have happened if I had stayed. How different my life could be right now. Who knows. I could have married Tom and be the owner of a farm somewhere or something. Okay, unlikely but you know what I mean.

Age 24 - 2002 - 2003

So, I started my 24th year with no home (because my apartment was subletted), no job, and having failed at trying to spend the summer abroad. Bummer. Luckily, my best friend and roommate (also a friend of mine) had a spare room that I could stay in until my apartment opened up again. I was also able to get a job working with head trauma patients. So, it wasn’t a total loss. Plus, Christien and I started dating again. We weren’t close but we were dating.

At the end of the summer, my best friend and roommate was moving to San Fran, so I was able to take over their apartment. I found a roommate from Craigslist and just parked myself there for a year. I finished my master thesis that November and celebrated with a trip to Italy. This was one of the best trips I’ve taken. I went alone and went from Rome to Florence to Venice and then back to Rome. It gets lonely but I really do love traveling on my own.

By the time I came back, Christien and I were more serious. We went to Costa Rica to go white water rafting that January and were spending most of our time together.

Okay, so that brings us to 25 and I am going to stop for now.

I am way behind on writing about my trip to Europe. I kept a journal while I was there but did not blog at all.

It was almost perfect trip. I did everything I wanted and got everything I needed. I went over there because I needed to spend some time in Barcelona looking at potential neighborhoods and venues for SOURCE Barcelona  and to meet some of the SOURCE Barc advisors. Since EuSec was taking place in London, I decided to start there.  I was not able to attend any of the talks (it would have cost me over $2000 to attend - damn US economy) but I was able to meet up with people at night. The first thing I did notice was that EuSec was held at a club -

It seemed to be setup very different from ones in the US. And this was perfectly fine with the attendees. One track, one room, in a nightclub was fine.  It made attending parties/receptions really easy because everything was all in the same area. Plus, the club supplied bouncers to make sure that everyone had a badge.  Anyway, I met up with Ollie Whitehouse and Claudia Guili - two SOURCE Barc advisors and Alberto Revelli (frequent speaker but not on the board) and ended up joining up with a bunch of other people. It was interesting to meet so many people and to get a lot of opinions, suggestions, etc. A lot of really great people.

After EuSec was over, I met up with some of my other UK friends and ended up seeing a show and going to some unique 1920’s themed bar. That was a lot of fun.

Next up was Madrid to get a feel for another place in Spain and to meet Simon Roses Femerling. We went out for some of the most amazing Spanish food. Mmm, so good. It turns out that Simon and I have either met before or coming very close to it, considering how many people we both know and how many times we have been in the same location. He and his wife, Carmen, were so hospitable and a lot of fun to be around.

Then from Madrid to Barcelona to visit Ero Carrera and to scout out locations. After seeing EuSec, I decided to take a different approach to venues. I dropped the idea of using a hotel and started looking in other places. I won’t say until it’s signed and finalized but I am really excited about the chosen location.

Ero and and I had a meeting with a security guy from Novell so we could make some connections and get additional opinions. That was a really productive lunch and another good connection was made. In the evenings, Ero and friends took me to several good places, including some fun places on the beach. I love Barcelona and it was great to combine work, fun, and seeing good people.

The next morning I was headed back to the UK where I spent the weekend staying with Claudia and Alberto and ended up having a few late nights, drinking wine (they are both Italian and have excellent taste) and talking about everything from security and the industry to religion to evolution to politics, etc. I think we were up until about 5am the night before I flew home, just talking about stuff. Claudia and I went to see the Sex and the City movie, which was fantastic.

So really, it was great. I went over there with several goals and accomplished all of them. Plus, I was really touched by how hospitable everyone was.  I left there feeling like I had a wonderful time with some truly amazing people. I’m still smiling. Plus, I’m even more jazzed about SOURCE Barcelona now.  I’ve been working on a bunch of stuff since I came back.

I have more to write about - differences in culture, industry, perceptions of the US, and more. But for now, I’ll stop at just the brief overview.

I am in the airport waiting for my flight. I am in the same terminal as I was when I went to RSA so I know where the secret power outlet is (the custodian showed me last time).  I’m sitting across from the shoe shiner and occasionally watching/listening to him. He’s got a decent stream of business. He’s shined at least three pairs of shoes in the 25 minutes I have been sitting here.

He always starts things off the same way. “Where are you from?” and “Where are you going/have you been?” It’s interesting to hear the responses. One guy came to Boston for his niece’s party and is now going back to San Diego.  Another guy is going to Paris to celebrate his anniversary with his wife (they either met or honeymoon there).  A fourth gentleman just sat down. He’s a conservative looking Japanese man who is reading Fortune magazine.  Evidently there is no conversation to be had there.

This guy must shine the shoes of at least 100 people a day. All those people coming and going. Japanese man is done and another guy is one deck. This guy came to Boston to go to Chestnut Hill to be clothes for his brothers wedding in New Orleans  First he’s going to California to visit some friends.  . Not sure where he’s coming from though. He’s a saxaphone player - 28 years now - prefers an improv environment but his brother is a ‘honky tonk’ player. Now they are talking about general jazz music. The shoe shiner is a single parent so he doesn’t get to play his saxaphone any more. The guy get shined is Scottish though and his name is Richard. Damn, I love Scottish accents.

I finally talked to the shoe shiner. The last guy was so interesting that I couldn’t resist commenting. Turns out the shoe shiner used to be an investment banker and made a lot of money - had a Jag and all that and now just does this because he meets a lot of interesting people. He says its the simplest thing he’s ever done and he loves it.

Neat.